bridges

It has been 2 years or so since I've posted on here.  I was reminded of it the other day, thanks to my wife drawing attention to it.  I suppose I should have had plenty to post on while in grad school, but I don't think I had the energy to write more when I was not writing my papers.  Perhaps I should learn a thing or 2 from my wife who tells stories with pictures.  http://www.nafitz.blogspot.com/

Just some brief thoughts.  Our pastor, Jim, has been taking us through Exodus.  Today, we concluded that series with Joshua leading the crew into the promised land (finally!).  The journey was incredibly long and filled with plenty of trials and catastrophe.  The leader, Moses, didn't even get to go into the land due to his own disobedience.  However, God clearly led them, whether it was by cloud or a pillar of fire.  He lead them across the sea out of Egypt by parting the waters.  How appropriate and beautiful that he ends this section of story, with perfect pericope or bookend if you will, by again leading them across waters.

What struck me is yes we often lose sight of where we are being taken, even though the promise is so very amazing and what we left behind was so terrible.  Yet we pine for what we had before, because it was what we knew, even if we have had our fair share of signs and wonders to remind us.  We are now literally on the shores of something new, of promise being fulfilled and God still requires us to have faith.  He asked Joshua to have the priests lead into the Jordan river with the ark of the covenant.  My wife said she learned in Bible College that the Jordan river wasn't one where there was a gradual lead from the bank into the water. She said as you step from the bank of the river into the water, you would find yourself immediately deep in the water.  So, this is a pretty big thing to ask of the priests in their robes, carrying the ark, to just plunge in.  (Remember that passage where they weren't carrying it properly and a guy tried to keep it from falling and was struck dead by God?  I'm sure they thought of that as they were crossing too)

Pastor Jim said God makes promises to us.  Then he takes us on a journey to get there.  We encounter obstacles. He removes them.  Then, it is our job to remember and learn.

I was thinking about this story of the river crossing and our stepping into God's promises. I think, we believe that God removes our obstacles from him, and find ourselves looking for a bridge.  A nice and easy bridge to get across.  So we search and search, looking for a way across.  We may get discouraged, seeing our destination right in front of our eyes.  So, then we plan, and gather our resources and decide, ok let's build our own bridge.  What if we are missing the point of where God is asking us to get our feet wet?

Google - using your info!

(sorry, I don't know what's up with the formatting - can't seem to fix it) Ok, so I just found out some frightening information regarding information on the web. I know that we all get a little nervous about our information being other there, particularly that stuff that we put up voluntarily. I'm talking about information we post or put on social networking sites or even when we buy stuff. Do this, go to www.google.com/ads/preferences Now, you will find that google has constructed a "guess" of who you are based on your web browsing habits. I looked at mine, it composed an accurate guess of my age, my gender, and my interests. Now, I understand that to their defense they are collecting this information so that they can cater ads to your interests and preferences. At the same time I find this a little freaky that they do this without telling you. I always thought that they ads google showed you were based on just what you were searching for in that moment or based on the content on the page. This goes a little too far for me. The problem is, I love google. I always use it. I'm using google chrome right now. Google owns blogger in which I am writing this! Basically google owns me. Here's the good news. You can remove those "preferences" and categories so that google will stop doing that. The bad news is that does that mean that they are going to stop collecting your information? I don't know. They do it based on a cookie that collects your information. Here's the ridiculous thing--if you want to completely opt out of all this, you have to install this "plug-in" cookie that stops Google from getting that information. How fishy is that? To remove one cookie, you install another? Hmmmm. Seems like they are going to just collect information in a different way... Google is a part of another thing that basically does the same thing, so you might want to opt out there too: http://www.networkadvertising.org/managing/opt_out.asp I just thought I'd share this since it's news to me! What do you think? Am I suddenly getting paranoid or is this a little big-brother-ish to anyone?

remembering

I apologize for the last several posts, that many of them have been videos. I think I have been lazy and not wanting to let the blog die altogether, I post random videos so that at least something is up. Also, I don't know what is up with the page itself, looks a bit funky. Maybe one of these days I'll have my blog-savvy wifey help me spruce it up.

I just recently finished C.S. Lewis's first in his space trilogy, "Out of the Silent Planet." I remember being given the series when I was in middle school but never getting through it, so I was excited to grab it when I was at home and give it another shot. I just wanted to share something that I thought was told beautifully. It tells of how humans are addicted to seeking pleasure and how sad that really is. Also of the growing beauty of memory.

Anyway, here is some context: the main character is a man named Ransom. He is on a planet called Malacandra, having a conversation with a "hrossa" creature called Hyoi:

[Ransom]: "Is the begetting of young not a pleasure among the hrossa?
'A very great one, Hman[man]. This is what we call love.'
'If a thing is a pleasure, a hman wants it again. He might want the pleasure more often than the number of young that could be fed.

It took Hyoi a long time to get the point.

'You mean,' he said slowly, 'that he might do it only in one or two years of his life but again?'

'Yes.'

'But why? Would he want his dinner all day or want to sleep after he had slept? I do not understand.'
'But a dinner comes every day. This love, you say, comes only once while the hross lives?'

'But it takes his whole life. When he is young he has to look for his mate; and then he has to court her; then he begets young; then he rears them; then he remembers all this, and boils it inside him and makes it into poems and winsdom.'

'But the pleasure he must be content only to remember?'

'That is like saying, "my food I must be content to eat.:'

'I do not understand.'

'A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hman, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing. The seroni[another species/creature] could say it better than I say it now. Not better than I could say it in a poem. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure, as the crah in the last part of a poem. When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then--that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it. You say you have poets in your world. Do they not teach you this?'

'Perhaps some of them do,' said Ransom. 'But even in a poem does a hross never long to hear one splendid line over again?'...

...'And indeed,' he continued[the hross], 'the poem is a good example. For the most splendid line becomes fully splendid only by the means of all the lines after it; if you went back to it you would find it less splendid than you thought..." (p.72-73)
---------

Sorry if that was long, but again I just think the explanation of memory is so beautiful there. That there is something mysterious of it, and that it grows as we build upon it with new memories, making us think more fondly upon the first meeting or memory. What is all around it is what makes it beautiful. I suppose this resonates as we are in a season of remembering, especially with my grandmother passing away recently.

Our favorite memories of her...in and of themselves may seem extremely silly or random. But it is the feelings, the history attached to them that make them so special. It is those every day moments where you are not doing anything special, just being with those you love, that you long for when they are gone. Just sitting next to grandma as she rocked in her chair is now a fond memory since we can't do that any more. Even more so, considered in the context of the wonderful life she lived and the beautiful, fragrant spirit she was.

What are your thoughts on memories and remembering? Are they special? What makes them special and causes us to get attached to them? Do you have any items (keepsakes, artifacts, pictures) or memories things that might seem silly or random but mean a lot to you?

pray for Thailand

Just wanted to share a video that a friend made of his adventure to immigration in Bangkok, Thailand. So much flooding, the country needs to continue to be lifted up in prayer. Cool thing is that the video got picked up by CNN and shown on the news!

Bangkok flood adventure from James East on Vimeo.

Paradise

I'm sure others of you have been jamming to this song for awhile but I just found it. I had been wondering when Coldplay was going to put out a new album since its been 3 years since the release of Viva La Vida. Overall, I like this song and it sounds very Coldplay-ish but the chorus to me is just o.k. The video is a little strange too. What do you think? The new album, Mylo Xyloto drops October 25th. I'm always excited for new music. check out the video:

Healing - Being Near

Today marked the beginning of a 2 day training for my internship. Everyone gathered was somehow involved in the mental health field. We had the pleasure of participating in a training put on by Scott D Miller, a psychologist not to be confused with the musician Scott Miller.

I feel very fortunate to have been a part of this because #1 he seems to know what he's talking about and is going against what everyone else is saying and #2 he was hilarious! This guy made the time fly by because he was animated and it was like if you hired a stand-up comedian to do your training. It wasn't humor at the expense of learning, which I think really is a gift.

So what am I getting at? (I know you're wondering how this can be titled "Healing" and be related to a psychologist.) It happened so fast, Scott Miller said it and then it was gone, but it really stuck with me and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Here's a guy, very secular, and by his own admission, not religious. Oddly enough, psychology and social work are quite secular fields as well--you know, the whole science and religion thing. Anyway, he was talking about his approach to therapy and what has been shown to work. His whole theme is about meeting the client where they are and finding what works for them. He calls this "alliance", and this goes against what we call evidence based practice and selecting a certain style of therapy based on diagnosis.

And this is what he said that got me going. He said that you do not build alliance. He said that you need to be with the the client. He said that is what it means to "heal" in therapy. Then, "Christ healed the sick. Healing means to be near. He went to be near those that nobody would get close to."

He said it so fast and just like that it was gone. But it was like all kinds of light bulbs were flashing and bells dinging like when you when on a gameshow. I couldn't believe how profound and deep this little statement was. And it came, not from a preacher, or a religious author but from a non religious psychologist.

Something that fascinated me was that he stated it like FACT, like it was plain truth that this is what Christ did, no question about it! Quite some faith for someone that says he has no part in religion. For a moment I thought I was in church!

How powerful the implications are! To life and ministry. Think about it, what if our focus was not on programs, funding, taking classes, being a part of a particular church or mission, but on simply being near. Being near to those in need. Being near to the broken hearted. Being near to the sick.

Being near.

Think about it for a minute. It's so simple. It's so beautiful. It's what Jesus did.

A touching truth. Made so clear by someone who probably doesn't even realize it. Interesting how God works and speaks sometimes.

What are your thoughts on this? What do you think, does God ever use the unsaved to speak His truths to us? Thoughts on being near?

Innocent vs Innocent

This afternoon I was driving home from our local WinCo happily dial surfing on the radio. I heard a song that caught my ear. What I realized is that the song was eerily reminiscent of another song I hadn't heard in a long time. I decided to put both the songs on here so you can judge for yourself. Am I crazy? What gets me is that they have the exact same chorus: "We are, we are, all innocent..." by the first band, Our Lady Peace, and "We are, we are innocent..." by Luminate. Overall, the songs don't sound super similar but, notice that the songs begin in a similar way (percussion).

It's a bummer because the song by Luminate sounds pretty cool. If I wasn't aware of Our Lady Peace's version, I'd like it. What gets me is it just sounds like they liked the song and are Christianizing it. On the other hand, there is something good about redeeming and making a positive message out of what was not. This is just me making a big deal of nothing. As I think about it more, I think part of it is that the Our Lady Peace song was something I listened to a lot to in high school and is significant to me.

Luminate:


Our Lady Peace:


What do you think? Redeeming? Ripoff? Not at all the same?

restless

A couple of days ago I was driving home in our lovely, newly acquired Subaru (affectionately dubbed, "Dora" - that story is for another time), trying to find a song to match my mood when mention of an interview caught my ear. They were playing highlights of interviews with Jon Foreman. Switchfoot is pretty popular, but I think what draws people to them is their honesty and how personal some of the music is, as if each person can identify with one of their songs as if it was uniquely their own. He was talking about a song on their new album, one that I had heard on the radio a few months back that made me really excited about their upcoming album "Vice Verses". The song is called "Restless".

He gave a backdrop into how the song came to be, which took me into what he was thinking and allowed me to connect even more with the song. He said that they were doing shows in the UK and were put up in a castle. Yes, a castle, you read that right. One night it was raining (which is nothing new there) and he watched the raindrops hit the window. He thought about how they would eventually collect and find their way to the creek next to the castle. The creek would then feed into a stream which then would empty out the shore. How tireless and relentless is the waters search to reach the shore! He pondered, does he have this kind of tenacity in his own life, in his faith and pursuit of God? I may have messed up his description a bit, but still, I thought it was so beautiful.

Are you restless? Are you tireless in your pursuit of God?

Here's a video of the song with the lyrics:

cool!

This is a really cool video of this new thing called Flare Surfing, I thought I'd share it! Nevermind the annoying interview, just watch the actual surfing.

the beginning

New beginnings.

I suppose it is not so new, I have spent the last 17 out of 26 years of life in school. While it was so normal before, starting again after not being in it for 4 years is strange.

Hard to believe the first week back is already coming to an end. I know that it is going to move fast and its going to be filled with plenty of stress, joy and newness.

There is a strange reversal as I am older than my wife and so I was out of school and working for several years while she finished up. I think she almost feels left out as some of her friends and peers are still in school and here I am starting up again.

The familiarity of boredom and restlessness is still present. I thought I would escape this because of doing what I want to do, paying for it myself, and knowing more clearly what the end result is. Nope! You still get bored in class and you still get boring teachers! Reality check!

The night before school began I battled some fear induced insomnia. Questions, so many questions. I wondered, am I doing the right thing? Am I right for the field of social work, is it right for me? Did I make this decision on my own without God's leading? Should I be feeling extremely passionate and excited instead of nervous?

I spent the first 4 hours of the first day in an orientation then scooted off to class. Three hours and then an additional hour of lab with the same professor. He told us that there was no way he was going to keep us for the full 4 hours because he can't talk that long. What a relief!

The reality? He really enjoyed the sound of his own voice and did talk the entire 4 hours.

I thought I was going to die.

On my first day of class?

I really began to question myself if I was getting this bored on the first day in my first class. Fortunately my wife talked some sense into me and got me over my doubts and self-inadequacy.

I am excited to learn and be in the classroom again. To glean from the incredible experience of my peers who have such diverse backgrounds and have done so much and to supplement my experience with theory and knowledge and to understand more. I am excited to do an internship in a new place.

Since it is a new experience I am excited to try and make new habits, to know that it is a fresh start.

Well, some habits die hard. Already procrastinating...

Its definitely a new lifestyle. Riding a bike to school! That is an adventure--anyone that knows me well has probably seen how maladroit I am when it comes to bikes!

all for now. sorry for the scattered, incongruous thoughts.

slam poetry

I don't really know much about slam poetry, but from what I have seen of it I really think it is cool. I admire the poets that spew out their stories and imagery with such force and feeling that it can really get you stirred up! Here are a couple that I have enjoyed:

Shane Koyczan, "the crickets have arthritis" - friend showed this to me after we had a little poetry session at someone's house.


And this one I found when at Mat Kearney's website looking for the release of his new album. His name is Anis Mojgani.

you have any favorite slam poets? I'm relatively new to this. I apologize that I can't post the videos, or I just don't know how! (update, as you noticed, I think I figured out how!)

prayer, God's presence

I just really wanted to highlight my good friend's reflections on prayer and acknowledging God's presence in our lives, even in the mundane or as we go through our tasks. I think he really captures it well and believe that his thoughts and words will inspire and bless you: Urban Margin

What are your thoughts on constant prayer and God's presence?

transitions

Transitions oh transitions!

The other day my supervisor let me know that the director paid me a compliment. She has a habit of notifying me of the things he says because he would never actually say it to me. It is a very kind thing for her to do. He said that I had handled the transitions over the last few months very well and remarked on how smooth it was.

Today is a good day to reflect on that. Wednesday actually marked my last day of employment, where I had worked for a little over two years. While not very long, it felt long as there were so many changes as is the nature of this kind of work paired with a structure more akin to an organism, constantly shaping and shifting in response to what comes its way.

As I write, I am waiting for a call to let me know when I should do my exit interview today. I realize that this is actually pivotal to my transition into returning to the education world. I could choose to complain about things that bothered me and I held my tongue on. I could get all puffed up and spew it all out and leave in a mess. Then I think about how important is this? Is it worth it? What is most important? I think about relationships that I value and most of all I am continually drawn to loving people and doing that well. I think that the way I leave must demonstrate that. That doesn't mean not being honest or truthful, but doing so in a way that is constructive, positive, and praying for the best for them.

If I were to leave in a negative fashion, I think part of myself would remain behind. Therefore, hindering transition. While my experience has been mostly good and I have been treated well, nobody is perfect. Although I reflect on this, I certainly wasn't entertaining the idea of leaving in a raging tirade. Its more important that I think things through and realize that I have to live out my convictions especially in light of my last blog on love.

I think have to be honest with them and leave everything there. If I leave wishing I had said this or that, and hold on to "well I was wronged this way" and "that wasn't fair" and "really, they owe me big time" or any other kind of thing I am in the wrong by keeping a list of their faults (not loving them). I would hinder myself from growth by not moving on in my journey, by leaving a part of me there.

As I write this, I am reminded of something that I tell the teens all the time. It is not what about other people do, we cannot let that affect our actions and thoughts. In the end we are responsible for our own actions and responses. When we react, we think we are God because truly each person is accountable to Him and for us to think we should carry out justice is foolish.

I have learned a lot over the last two years and I owe that to the experiences provided me and the graciousness and flexibility of those older and wiser than me. I am thankful to the kids that let me be a part of their lives and inspired me with their stories, most of the time without knowing it. I am thankful for the endless opportunities to love and forgive. Sometimes I feel my love is very small and on low supply, but I don't ever recall Jesus saying that it would be easy to love. He said just do it because it is the most important thing. If life were perfect and everyone was good to each other, we might not realize our acts of love.

What do your transitions look like? How are you challenged to love people?

love

The other day I had some ample time to think while transporting one of my residents to a home visit. I had the drive back alone to consider my frustration at my situation and my supervisor. I began to outline what I might say to them, how I have felt treated unfairly or wronged and started to check off a mental list of all the times that had happened.

As my feelings welled up within me as I relived each moment, I tried to reason with myself and lose the frustration and be rational. As I believe to be good practice I did my best to see it from the other person's perspective and was able to do so, of course with some of my own quick rebuttals and comments in defense. At this point, I usually debate over what makes more sense, unfortunately, I am biased towards myself. Yes, how's that for an understatement?

This is where things took an interesting turn and I think the Spirit took over and redirected my thoughts. I began to think about Matthew 22:34-40, where Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is. First he says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" which references Deuteronomy. Then he says, And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself' which is from Leviticus.

I'm sure we've all heard sermons or reflections on this. But I find it so interesting, that Jesus doesn't stop with the greatest commandment, he says what is second and says that they are similar. You might naturally think that it would be #1 Love God, and #2 don't do bad things. No! He says to love others, he says to love our enemies.

I hear this all the time, put others before yourself. Or the cute little reminder:
Jesus
Others
Yourself

For the most part, we think of just putting up with those we don't like and being patient. Or being nice. Or serving the under privileged.

So I wondered, where is this going? I questioned then, what is love? This is where I was directly convicted. Naturally, I was directed to 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind, etc etc. You know it, you've heard it.

Love keeps no records of wrongs. Wow, Holy Spirit, could you be any more clear? Here I was, digging up every time I felt wronged because I had been treated rudely and yet I'm being told that if I am to love this person I can't keep a record of their wrongs against me. This blew me away! I think that in my experience in life, Christians will live by this with other Christians for the most part because we preach forgiveness.

But think about it, how many people do you know that has written somebody off because of reasons A-Z and will not associate with them any more. Or so and so aren't talking because he did this. How many divorces are born out of wrongs held against each other?

The beginning of 1 Corinthians 13 in verse 3 says, "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing." Dang. Here I am, I work to serve teens and I am mad at my boss. If I can't love my boss, then my work with these teens means nothing. Ouch.

Very sobering and convicting. And yet freeing. This same kind of love that I am told to extend towards others if offered to me. I am so endlessly thankful for this love that keeps no records of my wrongs.

What are your thoughts on love and loving your neighbor?

[To tie things together...I made peace with my boss. It was largely a misunderstanding and communication misfire.]

follow up

Friends' comments on the previous blog got me thinking a little more.

I do think about how we can look back and it can be embarrassing to see how juvenile we might have been acting or feeling in a certain situation. It is surprising to see that it can really feel like a memory that belongs to someone else, probably because we are doing our best to erase or suppress it. I guess what I am seeing is that whether we like it or not, those things that we regret or rather not see are a part of us and play a formative role in getting us to where we are now! I think that it is a clear statement that says you have grown up and changed from the person in that memory.

A little over a week ago, I was talking with one of my teens about regret. She regretted making certain decisions and just could not get over the fact that she had done so. I heard myself telling her that we cannot live with regret otherwise we are not alive and we continue to live in the past--it prevents us from moving forward and living in the present. I think I needed to hear it too, we all do sometimes! We have to remember that our mistakes should not be relived and continually lamented because there is nothing we can do about it except learn from it. We were able to talk about the strength that she had gained from her decisions, the path she was currently on as a result, and how much more informed and equipped she is than the average person!

Sometimes too, it is hard to remember that grace is free and is infinitely abundant. At times we fail to accept the grace offered us for our wrongs and relive and essentially re-sin by going back to a specific moment. Why condemn ourselves when already forgiven?

I started wondering as well, how many of these "moments" that we go through are we IN right now? Are there things that I feel are so important or are upset about but will think only trivial in the future? If so, what can I do to see that now, to learn from the past to prevent regret in the present and the future? Are there areas in your life that need changing so that you don't look back and say, "man I wish...".

If it seems like I'm on two different tracks, I am. I think that there is a balance, of seeing how we change; admitting and accepting that we are just different from who we WERE; not living in regret; living in light of our past and learning from it.