When I saw the preview for “Dan in Real Life” it looked like a decent family movie, easy to watch as it seemed to exude warmth and laughs. I thought I might go watch it but it did not strike me as a movie I would go out of the way to see but I was curious about Steve Carell. I thought of him as a funny actor after seeing him in Anchorman as the hilariously stupid “Brick” and yet was surprised when I watched “Little Miss Sunshine.” He did very well at playing the depressed-and-suicidal-because-of-unrequited-love professor, he was human and sensitive.
Personally, I hate those kinds of movies where you spend the whole movie worrying, grimacing, and flinching for the protagonist because they do dumb stuff and of course everything possible goes wrong. Perfect example? –“Meet the Parents.” True it has its funny moments but for me it is not an enjoyable film. Yet, watching the main character in “Dan in Real Life” is bearable because he is so human and you can identify with his struggles and frustrations. He finds himself in incredibly awkward situations and everyone in his family seems to be frustrated with him, including his kids. Yet this takes place in a family reunion vacation so he cannot escape the glares, sighs, and comments.
He does it to himself. What do you do about love when your brother is dating the one you cannot quit thinking about? Yet it is this that helps him understand and identify with his daughter as they go through similar feelings that he may have forgotten. It is about love and family and how the first almost causes him to destroy his relationships with the latter. But it is the family that truly loves and picks you up and continues to support you even though you have neglected them. It is the beautiful irony that he is an advice columnist that seems to flow with wisdom about family life that sets the foundation for the frustrations and questions. Why is it that he can so easily say the right things to anyone outside his family, but when it comes to his daughters he is constantly messing up?
Steve Carell plays a believable, likeable, vulnerable character. At one point at the family’s talent show he is playing a song with his brother, Dane Cook who’s trying to impress his newfound love, and adds a verse at the end—his voice is trembling and weak and it wrenches your heart. I almost cried, but I fought it. Something about the real sadness at that moment, he seems to let on for the first time about the pain of losing his wife.
Dane Cook surprised me too. He plays the typical shallow brother that always has it going with the ladies but he is down to earth and likeable as well. What I could not figure out was him with Juliette Binoche, she seemed to look way older than him. Also, sometimes I felt like some of the scenes she was laughing at Steve Carell the actor and not the character if that makes any sense. My other objection is the way the movie ended as it seemed to avoid the conflict of the awkwardness of Steve Carell successfully stealing his brother’s girlfriend. It seems that through the movie Dane is trying hard and moving away from his playboy ways and then reluctantly settles for returning to his old ways. Steve approaches him to apologize and he says, “hold that thought” and goes for the convertible driving chica that had been Steve’s date previously. I know that they had to end the story somehow but somehow I think this could have been dealt with differently.
I recommend this fun, family oriented movie. It is clean without any profanities that I can remember and minor sexual references that are tame compared to most any movie out there.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Catch
Sometimes I feel like we are playing a game of catch. Catch requires a minimum of two people working together to create a flow of catch and release. We throw the ball differently each time—although the people that do it for a living have a machine-like precision—which usually requires the other person to adjust. (Now, bear with me as I try explain this silly little metaphor which is actually more of a picture in my head that popped in there a few years ago and some reason had lay dormant until now.)
Suppose we are playing this game with our dad for the first time. He is ever patient with us, encouraging us so that we do not despair and give up. We look stupid as we fumble the ball and drop it the first million times he throws it to us. He says, “Don’t worry about it son, have your hands ready and keep your eye on the ball” as he throws it so that it requires little of us to actually catch it. When kids first learn they have to develop their reflexes—how many of us have seen kids grab at the ball in the air after it’s already landed? Then we learn what to do with our hands, you cannot have them stiff otherwise either your fingers get jammed and hurt for weeks or it just bounces off. They have to be relaxed and yet ready to snap, grab, and cradle at the right moment.
Once we get the hang of it—you know, when we get really good and there is not much that can wipe that huge grin off of our face—he changes it up a little. He starts throwing it at different distances with more or less power and speed. We go, “what am I supposed to do now?” as the ball no longer lands in our hands but five feet in front of us. Soon we begin to figure it out, “oh, I actually have to move to the ball now.” This makes it all the more complex, having to figure out how to factor in all of these things—you know, wind chill factor, not running into trees, not tripping on roots or sprinklers, and so on and so forth. Then to make things worse—or better?—he throws it harder and it comes at you faster than you can say ouch and it hurts more than a dozen bee stings. As your hands swell and throb he then throws so high up that you cannot help but wince as you squint into the sun and can only hope it does not hit you in the face.
Then he says, “Go long!” And off we run.
Why am I so rigid?
Why are my legs so stiff?
Why is it like my feet have buried themselves underneath the grass and have taken root?
Why am I so reticent?
Why can’t you throw the ball right to me where I want it?
You mean I have to run? But I’m tired, my hands sting, my lungs burn, my legs feel like they are going to give out—or rather, they will if I choose to go for it. What do you mean I can do it? How do you know? What? You’ve done it? You’ve been in my place and know how it is? Is that how you are so patient and good at coaching me along in this?
He knows what we are capable of and thus pushes us beyond what we though we could do. It is hard for me to believe that he knows these things, but I have to. I have to just believe that my little legs will take me the distance, the only thing spurring me on is his voice. In the end, I want to know that I ran as hard as I could to try and make the catch to make him happy. He knows how much I can handle and if I do not make it, maybe I did not push hard enough. I do know that when I trip on my own feet or get clothes-lined by a branch or just plain screw it up that he loves me all the same. Then when I am sweaty and thirsty, “hey, good job out there, lets get some lemonade.”
Suppose we are playing this game with our dad for the first time. He is ever patient with us, encouraging us so that we do not despair and give up. We look stupid as we fumble the ball and drop it the first million times he throws it to us. He says, “Don’t worry about it son, have your hands ready and keep your eye on the ball” as he throws it so that it requires little of us to actually catch it. When kids first learn they have to develop their reflexes—how many of us have seen kids grab at the ball in the air after it’s already landed? Then we learn what to do with our hands, you cannot have them stiff otherwise either your fingers get jammed and hurt for weeks or it just bounces off. They have to be relaxed and yet ready to snap, grab, and cradle at the right moment.
Once we get the hang of it—you know, when we get really good and there is not much that can wipe that huge grin off of our face—he changes it up a little. He starts throwing it at different distances with more or less power and speed. We go, “what am I supposed to do now?” as the ball no longer lands in our hands but five feet in front of us. Soon we begin to figure it out, “oh, I actually have to move to the ball now.” This makes it all the more complex, having to figure out how to factor in all of these things—you know, wind chill factor, not running into trees, not tripping on roots or sprinklers, and so on and so forth. Then to make things worse—or better?—he throws it harder and it comes at you faster than you can say ouch and it hurts more than a dozen bee stings. As your hands swell and throb he then throws so high up that you cannot help but wince as you squint into the sun and can only hope it does not hit you in the face.
Then he says, “Go long!” And off we run.
Why am I so rigid?
Why are my legs so stiff?
Why is it like my feet have buried themselves underneath the grass and have taken root?
Why am I so reticent?
Why can’t you throw the ball right to me where I want it?
You mean I have to run? But I’m tired, my hands sting, my lungs burn, my legs feel like they are going to give out—or rather, they will if I choose to go for it. What do you mean I can do it? How do you know? What? You’ve done it? You’ve been in my place and know how it is? Is that how you are so patient and good at coaching me along in this?
He knows what we are capable of and thus pushes us beyond what we though we could do. It is hard for me to believe that he knows these things, but I have to. I have to just believe that my little legs will take me the distance, the only thing spurring me on is his voice. In the end, I want to know that I ran as hard as I could to try and make the catch to make him happy. He knows how much I can handle and if I do not make it, maybe I did not push hard enough. I do know that when I trip on my own feet or get clothes-lined by a branch or just plain screw it up that he loves me all the same. Then when I am sweaty and thirsty, “hey, good job out there, lets get some lemonade.”
#23
I watched the Number 23 the other day because when I saw the previews for it in the theater it seemed intriguing. I have also always been interested in Jim Carrey's abilities to play different kinds of roles outside of Ace Ventura and other slapstick stuff.
This is a movie of obsession and paranoia that drives the person crazy. Carrey plays a pet control guy who goes after a dog that gets away from him. This makes him late for picking up his wife who while waiting wanders into a bookstore called something like "the book of fate" which of course is kind of foreshadowing. Her eye is caught by a red book on the shelf in the back with the same name as the movie. The author? Toppsy Kretts. She reads the book and when Carrey gets there she tells him to buy it and read it. He laughs it off but does so anyway. This begins the tale.
From then on he can't seem to get it out of his mind. He wants to keep on reading, and the obsession begins as he seems to identify with the narrator. So many parallels make him wonder and begin to dig through his past. He also notices that the number 23 really does show up everywhere like in the book. His birthday, SSN, the house #, all of them either have the number in it or add up to it.
I could keep going but it would take too long to recap the movie. The obsession drives him crazy and makes him paranoid as he dreams of himself killing his wife or that he is being taken advantage of. It is an entertaining movie as it shifts between Fingerling--the character in the book--and the real Jim Carrey. It is a little surprising at how many things contain the number twenty-three but when you think about it really is inconsistent. They sometimes add numbers up, sometimes you reverse them, sometimes you are dividing or multiplying. Basically, if you look hard enough you can find a way to make almost anything add up to 23.
Also, the movie ends with Jim Carrey saying that it is just a number as if to explain it all away and that he is over his obsession. Yet the whole movie is tied together on fate. He was destined for what happened to him. The reason his wife finds the book is that he was late. The reason he was late was because the dog delayed him. The dog was witness to his murder. So, what really is the point of the movie? It seems as if it is clarified at the end when the scripture verse Numbers 32:23 is shown which reads: "...and you may be sure that your sin will find you out." Yet that contradicts with how the narrator concludes. Only leaving us with questions.
I liked the way the movie is shot. Its very cool and artsy and dark. In the least it was entertaining, but I don't know if I would recommend it.
I felt dumb when I realized what "Topsy Kretts" really meant. Sounds a lot like Top Secret(s). Duh.
This is a movie of obsession and paranoia that drives the person crazy. Carrey plays a pet control guy who goes after a dog that gets away from him. This makes him late for picking up his wife who while waiting wanders into a bookstore called something like "the book of fate" which of course is kind of foreshadowing. Her eye is caught by a red book on the shelf in the back with the same name as the movie. The author? Toppsy Kretts. She reads the book and when Carrey gets there she tells him to buy it and read it. He laughs it off but does so anyway. This begins the tale.
From then on he can't seem to get it out of his mind. He wants to keep on reading, and the obsession begins as he seems to identify with the narrator. So many parallels make him wonder and begin to dig through his past. He also notices that the number 23 really does show up everywhere like in the book. His birthday, SSN, the house #, all of them either have the number in it or add up to it.
I could keep going but it would take too long to recap the movie. The obsession drives him crazy and makes him paranoid as he dreams of himself killing his wife or that he is being taken advantage of. It is an entertaining movie as it shifts between Fingerling--the character in the book--and the real Jim Carrey. It is a little surprising at how many things contain the number twenty-three but when you think about it really is inconsistent. They sometimes add numbers up, sometimes you reverse them, sometimes you are dividing or multiplying. Basically, if you look hard enough you can find a way to make almost anything add up to 23.
Also, the movie ends with Jim Carrey saying that it is just a number as if to explain it all away and that he is over his obsession. Yet the whole movie is tied together on fate. He was destined for what happened to him. The reason his wife finds the book is that he was late. The reason he was late was because the dog delayed him. The dog was witness to his murder. So, what really is the point of the movie? It seems as if it is clarified at the end when the scripture verse Numbers 32:23 is shown which reads: "...and you may be sure that your sin will find you out." Yet that contradicts with how the narrator concludes. Only leaving us with questions.
I liked the way the movie is shot. Its very cool and artsy and dark. In the least it was entertaining, but I don't know if I would recommend it.
I felt dumb when I realized what "Topsy Kretts" really meant. Sounds a lot like Top Secret(s). Duh.
bluelikejazz
I picked up the book Blue Like Jazz at the beginning of last week simply because I had heard so much about it. It seemed like everyone was reading it so I decided to see what the big deal was. Honestly, I did not want to like this book but I did. The author's candid honesty and humor just make the book flow very well and make it so that you never want to put it down. Sounds like a cheap action novel doesn't it?
I would call it autobiographical in a sense, which I was really not expecting when I picked it up. He is very willing to admit his mistakes and sometimes surprises you with the comments he makes about people and the thoughts he was having. I wonder if the people that he knew when they read the book were offended or surprised at all. Who knows?
I like that he is willing to grapple with questions of our faith that so many of us have and is real about it. It appeals to our postmodern generation that is no longer satisfied with facts but we want to feel what we believe. I think that many of us can easily identify with his writing. It got me when he said that we all love ourselves too much and are not good at loving others. At the same time he says we have to love ourselves in the right way and be willing to accept love if we are to truly be able to love. I thought, man, how true!
His struggles are real. A lot of us have trouble knowing how to share our faith or are scared of what people will say or ask us.
I like how he does not have it all together and how he's always learning, learning from the people you would least expect it. I like how he talks about getting a beer and smoking a pipe--yes Christians do this! Christians think they cannot do it or people think that Christians judge them for doing that. This guy Don Miller is real, he has been through the fundamentalist stage and made it out alive. He understands that our faith is something we share and live out. He has a sense of humor and is artistic. He is willing to listen but does not stray from Jesus being the only truth.
I would call it autobiographical in a sense, which I was really not expecting when I picked it up. He is very willing to admit his mistakes and sometimes surprises you with the comments he makes about people and the thoughts he was having. I wonder if the people that he knew when they read the book were offended or surprised at all. Who knows?
I like that he is willing to grapple with questions of our faith that so many of us have and is real about it. It appeals to our postmodern generation that is no longer satisfied with facts but we want to feel what we believe. I think that many of us can easily identify with his writing. It got me when he said that we all love ourselves too much and are not good at loving others. At the same time he says we have to love ourselves in the right way and be willing to accept love if we are to truly be able to love. I thought, man, how true!
His struggles are real. A lot of us have trouble knowing how to share our faith or are scared of what people will say or ask us.
I like how he does not have it all together and how he's always learning, learning from the people you would least expect it. I like how he talks about getting a beer and smoking a pipe--yes Christians do this! Christians think they cannot do it or people think that Christians judge them for doing that. This guy Don Miller is real, he has been through the fundamentalist stage and made it out alive. He understands that our faith is something we share and live out. He has a sense of humor and is artistic. He is willing to listen but does not stray from Jesus being the only truth.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
July 7, 2006 - No Longer
No Longer
*Kind of an ironic time to post this, considering I'm far away. But it was time to post something (that I wrote awhile ago when it would have made more sense) since it has been awhile.* (Pardon the overusage of the phrase "no longer")
Wave to the tide
It no longer conceals your eyes--
they say more than I ever hoped for
a glance takes us to a place where dream and reality collide
no longer faceless silhouettes searching in the night
wave to the tide
I no longer wait for it to bring word from your shore
in bottled messages I no longer confide
wave to the tide
with it goes the doubts we couldn't hide
your eyes
your eyes
your eyes mend the most tattered soul
*Kind of an ironic time to post this, considering I'm far away. But it was time to post something (that I wrote awhile ago when it would have made more sense) since it has been awhile.* (Pardon the overusage of the phrase "no longer")
Wave to the tide
It no longer conceals your eyes--
they say more than I ever hoped for
a glance takes us to a place where dream and reality collide
no longer faceless silhouettes searching in the night
wave to the tide
I no longer wait for it to bring word from your shore
in bottled messages I no longer confide
wave to the tide
with it goes the doubts we couldn't hide
your eyes
your eyes
your eyes mend the most tattered soul
May 21, 2006 - Michelle
Michelle
for my sister Michelle...written...perhaps a year ago, just found it again.
I wish you knew
How much I respect you
For your happiness through the struggle
That reduces so many to rubble
We get lost in eloquence
Arranging words in perfect sequence
So much more difficult for you
Placed by God in conditions you can’t undo
and blessed with a double portion
of the greatest beyond emotion –
amazing patience and love
that you continually show us.
Even when we don’t understand
Or give your words second chance
What saddens me is that you may never know
The depth of admiration I could never show
Sorry I haven’t tried harder to listen and identify
Through you God has elected to testify
To teach so much more than the most erudite
I wonder what other truth you hide;
any other answers for you to illumine
in this darkness where we forget what it is to be human?
for my sister Michelle...written...perhaps a year ago, just found it again.
I wish you knew
How much I respect you
For your happiness through the struggle
That reduces so many to rubble
We get lost in eloquence
Arranging words in perfect sequence
So much more difficult for you
Placed by God in conditions you can’t undo
and blessed with a double portion
of the greatest beyond emotion –
amazing patience and love
that you continually show us.
Even when we don’t understand
Or give your words second chance
What saddens me is that you may never know
The depth of admiration I could never show
Sorry I haven’t tried harder to listen and identify
Through you God has elected to testify
To teach so much more than the most erudite
I wonder what other truth you hide;
any other answers for you to illumine
in this darkness where we forget what it is to be human?
May 15, 2006
Please pardon the lack of paragraphs.
For sometime now I have been reflecting on what it means to be a Christ-ian. Actually, no, I have been thinking about that title. I think that it is in fact, powerful but we do not think about it, hardly ever--at least I do not until recently. I would say that it has been corrupted because of lack of attention. An Evangelical Christian tends to refer to someone "born again", rescued from damnation by Christ's expiation of sins by grace granted to us. Once born again, one enters into "shar[ing] in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light" (Colossians 1:12). It seems that today what is important to people is entering into this community of believers, as if you have a new identity because you are now a part of this group. This brotherhood is powerful, it is a place where can learn from each other because we find our identity in Christ. To me, Christian means identifying myself with and in Christ which supersedes all other forms of identity, I am made new. Now, at this point you are nodding your head and saying “yes you are stating the obvious so get on with it.” Yes this is obvious and this is the way it should be, but is it really? Too much of what we do is associated with other followers of Christ and what they do and have done and rather than with the Word, Logos. Too often for one to be a Christian it is almost as if they have to live by the standards set by other Christians because they have established their identity. This seems skewed. It is as if we are forced to have to find our identity within the group of believers before we can find who we really are in Christ. I am not on a mission to bash anyone. I am just realizing how wonderful and powerful this concept is when we call ourselves Christians because I had been thinking about the suffix that comes after Christ. It just reminded me of how we say we are for example Italian and the –ian suffix means that we identify and associate ourselves with Italy. Yet I see a problem with using this as an example, because when you think of an Italian you will think of the other Italians you have met and the general stereotyped understanding of them rather than something deeper. I also want to make clear that I am not fighting against community, I just think it is sad that the identity of Christ has been tainted by human standards.
Return to your roots
Recall your identity--
Revealed by His Image
Replaced by the Son of Man
Rescued from frail humanity
Redeemed.
For sometime now I have been reflecting on what it means to be a Christ-ian. Actually, no, I have been thinking about that title. I think that it is in fact, powerful but we do not think about it, hardly ever--at least I do not until recently. I would say that it has been corrupted because of lack of attention. An Evangelical Christian tends to refer to someone "born again", rescued from damnation by Christ's expiation of sins by grace granted to us. Once born again, one enters into "shar[ing] in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light" (Colossians 1:12). It seems that today what is important to people is entering into this community of believers, as if you have a new identity because you are now a part of this group. This brotherhood is powerful, it is a place where can learn from each other because we find our identity in Christ. To me, Christian means identifying myself with and in Christ which supersedes all other forms of identity, I am made new. Now, at this point you are nodding your head and saying “yes you are stating the obvious so get on with it.” Yes this is obvious and this is the way it should be, but is it really? Too much of what we do is associated with other followers of Christ and what they do and have done and rather than with the Word, Logos. Too often for one to be a Christian it is almost as if they have to live by the standards set by other Christians because they have established their identity. This seems skewed. It is as if we are forced to have to find our identity within the group of believers before we can find who we really are in Christ. I am not on a mission to bash anyone. I am just realizing how wonderful and powerful this concept is when we call ourselves Christians because I had been thinking about the suffix that comes after Christ. It just reminded me of how we say we are for example Italian and the –ian suffix means that we identify and associate ourselves with Italy. Yet I see a problem with using this as an example, because when you think of an Italian you will think of the other Italians you have met and the general stereotyped understanding of them rather than something deeper. I also want to make clear that I am not fighting against community, I just think it is sad that the identity of Christ has been tainted by human standards.
Return to your roots
Recall your identity--
Revealed by His Image
Replaced by the Son of Man
Rescued from frail humanity
Redeemed.
May 06, 2006
I've been thinking about how melancholy--especially in nature--seems so beautiful and somehow resonates with my inner being. Each person is probably drawn to different aspects of nature or what they consider beautiful. I also have been thinking about how so much poetry is descriptive and while that is beautiful, much of it is more than that because it describes something else. In sum, sometimes we may really be drawn to various scenes of nature, because it is in fact an image of our soul or our inner condition. Maybe this is excessively introspect or self-revealing but this came about as I was trying to figure out why I will start out describing something and tie in these other elements at the end of a poem.
Blogs are whatever you make them right? Ok, so here goes for random on a very different note. My other thought for the day:
This is a very loose and weird analogy. Today I began to think that our faith or relationship with God is like brushing our teeth. At least for me. I know this has its weak points, but let me explain why I began to think this. The actual brushing and other teeth care stuff is comparable with praying, reading your Bible, be real with God...plain seeking after Him and growing in your faith. Sometimes I can go for awhile without really doing any of that and think that I'm doing pretty well, not brushing my teeth but avoiding eating sweets and things that will give me cavities and are bad for my teeth. Yet, this is still bad. On the other hand, there are the times in life when I take very good care of my teeth as far as cleaning yet go crazy on things that hurt them like the aforementioned "sweets and things". So that's not good either because my teeth are still not being treated well. So I could expand further, but that's as far as I wish to take it for now. This is pretty lame, but I thought I would post it as it was such a random thought that came to me as I was sitting in the car.
By the way, I love it when people leave you a comment on your blog to say hi but don't read what you write. I am guilty of it, but I try not to.
*******Added (5/14/2006)********
P.S.
Reflecting on what I wrote I realized what I sounded like with my final comment. I think I owe an apology because it was not nice in its tone. I think I was frustrated and I realize, yes it is hard if you want to communicate with someone or in a hurry or just want to say hi. I was frustrated because I seek feedback on what I write, more so on what may seem less accessible to people--poetry. Then I thought about how it is selfish to think that people should take the time to try and figure out what you are writing about and reflect on it. I also admire those that just write, they do not need people's comments. They write freely and confidently and there is no dependency. Thank you all of you for everything. And sorry if I was rude.
Blogs are whatever you make them right? Ok, so here goes for random on a very different note. My other thought for the day:
This is a very loose and weird analogy. Today I began to think that our faith or relationship with God is like brushing our teeth. At least for me. I know this has its weak points, but let me explain why I began to think this. The actual brushing and other teeth care stuff is comparable with praying, reading your Bible, be real with God...plain seeking after Him and growing in your faith. Sometimes I can go for awhile without really doing any of that and think that I'm doing pretty well, not brushing my teeth but avoiding eating sweets and things that will give me cavities and are bad for my teeth. Yet, this is still bad. On the other hand, there are the times in life when I take very good care of my teeth as far as cleaning yet go crazy on things that hurt them like the aforementioned "sweets and things". So that's not good either because my teeth are still not being treated well. So I could expand further, but that's as far as I wish to take it for now. This is pretty lame, but I thought I would post it as it was such a random thought that came to me as I was sitting in the car.
By the way, I love it when people leave you a comment on your blog to say hi but don't read what you write. I am guilty of it, but I try not to.
*******Added (5/14/2006)********
P.S.
Reflecting on what I wrote I realized what I sounded like with my final comment. I think I owe an apology because it was not nice in its tone. I think I was frustrated and I realize, yes it is hard if you want to communicate with someone or in a hurry or just want to say hi. I was frustrated because I seek feedback on what I write, more so on what may seem less accessible to people--poetry. Then I thought about how it is selfish to think that people should take the time to try and figure out what you are writing about and reflect on it. I also admire those that just write, they do not need people's comments. They write freely and confidently and there is no dependency. Thank you all of you for everything. And sorry if I was rude.
April 21, 2006 - Memories
[setting: koh samet december 2005]
The waves tire of trying to reach the shore
The confident roar replaced by weary sighs
The complexion of the coast fades
Heat gives way to melancholy breeze
Pale incandescence shudders on the quivering obsidian sea
Memories strewn across the blindfold
Scattered lights as spilt glitter haunt the silhouette
Faint intermittent glimpses from the outside
Bright enough to mesmerize
The shards of past out of reach yet in sight
Placed by you and me
Each as a glowing flare
Testimony to all we shared
For now I gaze at these memories
Wondering if on the other side, you see
The waves tire of trying to reach the shore
The confident roar replaced by weary sighs
The complexion of the coast fades
Heat gives way to melancholy breeze
Pale incandescence shudders on the quivering obsidian sea
Memories strewn across the blindfold
Scattered lights as spilt glitter haunt the silhouette
Faint intermittent glimpses from the outside
Bright enough to mesmerize
The shards of past out of reach yet in sight
Placed by you and me
Each as a glowing flare
Testimony to all we shared
For now I gaze at these memories
Wondering if on the other side, you see
March 28, 2006 - Sequestered Souls
sequestered souls
tonight the sky was dark
there was a gash in her veil
a lighter blue of topaz shone through the night's torn fabric
revealing a wound unknown, unseen, unfelt
stumbling through the dark
the mist glistened in the sparse light
the shadows, they just listened
as they sought refuge behind outstretched arms
a brisk zephyr rushed by
numbing all it came into contact with
wounds neglected, not permitted to mend
leaving souls sequestered
alone, in vessels that refuse to give voice
tonight the sky was dark
there was a gash in her veil
a lighter blue of topaz shone through the night's torn fabric
revealing a wound unknown, unseen, unfelt
stumbling through the dark
the mist glistened in the sparse light
the shadows, they just listened
as they sought refuge behind outstretched arms
a brisk zephyr rushed by
numbing all it came into contact with
wounds neglected, not permitted to mend
leaving souls sequestered
alone, in vessels that refuse to give voice
March 21, 2006
Spiritual Oppression
I had a thought a couple of weeks ago while in discussion with a friend. We were discussing spiritual warfare and eventually got around to the manifestations of it. I began to wonder, in our mindset that is so influenced by the enlightenment thinking of the 18th century, what is the spiritual warfare that goes on in America? As a culture that downplays the supernatural and is so reliant upon what can be proven and worships science, are we blind to spiritual movements because we cannot measure it or see it under the microscope?
At this point, you are thinking about how you have heard this before and this is nothing really new—common sense and something that is trite because we always reference it. My question is this, is the spiritual oppression and warfare that very thing that is so inextricably bound to our thinking—that which explains through reason and scientific proof? I wonder if we limit evil to supernatural phenomena that sends chills down our spines or the essence of fear. Could it be more subtle, giving the slightest nudge that causes us to go in a certain direction in our thinking? Am I giving too much credence to the opposition? I do not know.
Lending to my point/question is another thought that I had, which may again seem so obvious but I had to bring it up and see what others think. In my rumination on the topic of spiritual warfare I wondered about the limitations of spiritual oppressors. I began to think, everything must function under the system in which God created. I do not know if my reasoning is correct, but I see it that since God created the whole universe, everything is ultimately subject to His authority and the setup that He put into play. This led me to think that evil spirits are limited to the laws of physics and everything that holds the universe together. God is the only one that can make something happen that is above that system, one that defies it and happens anyway. He can make things that cannot be explained happen, He can cause miracles and whatever He pleases.
Why is this thinking significant to me? Because, if these thoughts have any sense to them at all it says a lot of science and the modern world. I am wondering that because evil is bound to the universe’s metaphysical system, are its movements occurring right before our eyes but we do not perceive it as such because we can provide a scientific explanation? If this is true, this culture is being struck with a double-whammy. Not choosing to be cognizant of spiritual oppression is of advantage to the enemy because it gives it free reign.
Feedback is very welcome, criticisms encouraged. I want to know what you think and if my thoughts are totally flawed or heretical. I want to grow in my learning and understanding, input from brothers and sisters only helps as we challenge each other. Challenge me.
I had a thought a couple of weeks ago while in discussion with a friend. We were discussing spiritual warfare and eventually got around to the manifestations of it. I began to wonder, in our mindset that is so influenced by the enlightenment thinking of the 18th century, what is the spiritual warfare that goes on in America? As a culture that downplays the supernatural and is so reliant upon what can be proven and worships science, are we blind to spiritual movements because we cannot measure it or see it under the microscope?
At this point, you are thinking about how you have heard this before and this is nothing really new—common sense and something that is trite because we always reference it. My question is this, is the spiritual oppression and warfare that very thing that is so inextricably bound to our thinking—that which explains through reason and scientific proof? I wonder if we limit evil to supernatural phenomena that sends chills down our spines or the essence of fear. Could it be more subtle, giving the slightest nudge that causes us to go in a certain direction in our thinking? Am I giving too much credence to the opposition? I do not know.
Lending to my point/question is another thought that I had, which may again seem so obvious but I had to bring it up and see what others think. In my rumination on the topic of spiritual warfare I wondered about the limitations of spiritual oppressors. I began to think, everything must function under the system in which God created. I do not know if my reasoning is correct, but I see it that since God created the whole universe, everything is ultimately subject to His authority and the setup that He put into play. This led me to think that evil spirits are limited to the laws of physics and everything that holds the universe together. God is the only one that can make something happen that is above that system, one that defies it and happens anyway. He can make things that cannot be explained happen, He can cause miracles and whatever He pleases.
Why is this thinking significant to me? Because, if these thoughts have any sense to them at all it says a lot of science and the modern world. I am wondering that because evil is bound to the universe’s metaphysical system, are its movements occurring right before our eyes but we do not perceive it as such because we can provide a scientific explanation? If this is true, this culture is being struck with a double-whammy. Not choosing to be cognizant of spiritual oppression is of advantage to the enemy because it gives it free reign.
Feedback is very welcome, criticisms encouraged. I want to know what you think and if my thoughts are totally flawed or heretical. I want to grow in my learning and understanding, input from brothers and sisters only helps as we challenge each other. Challenge me.
February 11, 2006
Truth?
Sometimes God implements themes into our lives because we simply cannot seem to see the point He is trying to get across. Looking at it after He has thrown the same thing at you from multiple angles is so interesting--especially when you realize how long it has taken you to finally get it. The current theme is honesty--in who we are and what we do. Christianity has become such an image thing where nobody is real with one another and so we feel so much like failures when it seems like everyone else has "it all together." The Christian image bears little or no verisimilitude. Truth is macabre and so to share it has become a faux pas. Truth will shatter your paradigm, it will break you but you will be so much better for it. So this theme had been running through my life and I was completely cognizant of the fact that I should do something about it. I had proven to be rather adroit in successfully dodging the issue continuously until I grew weary and could hear the ricochets coming closer and closer. Then I heard a speaker talk about how we are so incredibly bound by the gyves of Christian image that we cannot even be honest with God anymore. I was astonished, I could not believe that he was speaking on the topic of honesty because it had been the very thing I had been talking about with people and thinking about. I have come to realize that I had not known how to talk to God for a long time because I did not feel worthy of His grace and had to work out my mistakes on my own before I could approach Him in humility. I thought once I had accomplished that then I could attain the holiness that everyone else seemed to bear. Malarkey--or as some as you might prefer to say, BS!--we are all fallen, we all struggle and we need to share in that together. Quit perpetuating these fallacies.
Where am I going with this, what is my agenda? I have none but to share this self realization because I know that I have little to share that will be perceived as a new thought that moves people to change and am fully aware that this is not a new thought. Just one of those times where something in my life moved for once.
I recognize the banality of the subject as Christians are always seeking to inspire one another and write formulaic answers to stale faith, but how can I help but write of something that has touched me?
A question to end with: when we feign an image and our struggles are so surreptitious, does our worship, prayer and praise become adulation rather than true adoration? I just wonder how we can really fully worship God if we are dishonest withourselves, the community, and Him? Maybe I am wrong, but I see it as showing contempt by giving a blemished sacrifice. I had this thought after reading Malachi.
Sometimes God implements themes into our lives because we simply cannot seem to see the point He is trying to get across. Looking at it after He has thrown the same thing at you from multiple angles is so interesting--especially when you realize how long it has taken you to finally get it. The current theme is honesty--in who we are and what we do. Christianity has become such an image thing where nobody is real with one another and so we feel so much like failures when it seems like everyone else has "it all together." The Christian image bears little or no verisimilitude. Truth is macabre and so to share it has become a faux pas. Truth will shatter your paradigm, it will break you but you will be so much better for it. So this theme had been running through my life and I was completely cognizant of the fact that I should do something about it. I had proven to be rather adroit in successfully dodging the issue continuously until I grew weary and could hear the ricochets coming closer and closer. Then I heard a speaker talk about how we are so incredibly bound by the gyves of Christian image that we cannot even be honest with God anymore. I was astonished, I could not believe that he was speaking on the topic of honesty because it had been the very thing I had been talking about with people and thinking about. I have come to realize that I had not known how to talk to God for a long time because I did not feel worthy of His grace and had to work out my mistakes on my own before I could approach Him in humility. I thought once I had accomplished that then I could attain the holiness that everyone else seemed to bear. Malarkey--or as some as you might prefer to say, BS!--we are all fallen, we all struggle and we need to share in that together. Quit perpetuating these fallacies.
Where am I going with this, what is my agenda? I have none but to share this self realization because I know that I have little to share that will be perceived as a new thought that moves people to change and am fully aware that this is not a new thought. Just one of those times where something in my life moved for once.
I recognize the banality of the subject as Christians are always seeking to inspire one another and write formulaic answers to stale faith, but how can I help but write of something that has touched me?
A question to end with: when we feign an image and our struggles are so surreptitious, does our worship, prayer and praise become adulation rather than true adoration? I just wonder how we can really fully worship God if we are dishonest withourselves, the community, and Him? Maybe I am wrong, but I see it as showing contempt by giving a blemished sacrifice. I had this thought after reading Malachi.
January 23, 2006
I meant to clarify this last time, but it slipped my mind. I just wanted to say that although sometimes what I write may seem to be hopeless, confused, discouraged or have tinges of nihilism, I say all of these things in the context of my faith. At my very core, I know what I believe and I try to do all things based on that foundation. Most of us have struggles in our lives and faith and we have to find our way to resolve them as we seek community with others to share and be broken with so that we can help each other up. Because I know this, I do not feel the need to drop in that line of hope at the end like we tend to do when talking with those that are hurting. It is more real and honest if we say how we really feel and what we really think, because deep down I know God is there in His strength and compassion. I believe that thinkingwriting without acknowledging the pain and simply hiding in hope can stunt your growth. God knows when we are struggling because the Spirit intercedes with groans for us, and for us to not acknowledge what we are going through is not being honest with Him. Choosing to not resolve something completely and just push everything aside is the superficial copout to pain.
I realize that I have made many assumptions and so at least one of them is clarified. I feel right now I should insert a personal creed or declaration of faith that people can refer to, hehe.
Thanks to all who posted things in response to my last blog, it really is nice to get your support and encouragement. Yes, we all have a VISA (for travel, not creditcard) for earth, but we don't know when it will expire because our citizenship is elsewhere. (talk about cheeziness...hey, I'm corny, can I help it?)
Thus I will conclude with something I wrote in high-school on my senior trip. I have been never been satisfied with it, always feeling incomplete and unsure how to finish it, but I feel like posting something uplifting for once.
I gaze upon the blood red sky
It's ethereal incandescent beauty sends a chill down my spine
The haunting liturgical chant of the crickets lingers in the background
As the leaves gently whisper secrets into the wind
Crippled by veneration for your majesty
Overwhelmed with awe I am left mute
Surounded by your careful design,
To everything else around I am blind.
Surrounded by your glory
Only you can I see
I realize that I have made many assumptions and so at least one of them is clarified. I feel right now I should insert a personal creed or declaration of faith that people can refer to, hehe.
Thanks to all who posted things in response to my last blog, it really is nice to get your support and encouragement. Yes, we all have a VISA (for travel, not creditcard) for earth, but we don't know when it will expire because our citizenship is elsewhere. (talk about cheeziness...hey, I'm corny, can I help it?)
Thus I will conclude with something I wrote in high-school on my senior trip. I have been never been satisfied with it, always feeling incomplete and unsure how to finish it, but I feel like posting something uplifting for once.
I gaze upon the blood red sky
It's ethereal incandescent beauty sends a chill down my spine
The haunting liturgical chant of the crickets lingers in the background
As the leaves gently whisper secrets into the wind
Crippled by veneration for your majesty
Overwhelmed with awe I am left mute
Surounded by your careful design,
To everything else around I am blind.
Surrounded by your glory
Only you can I see
January 20, 2006
Where to start with this blog? It has been a long time since I last wrote one. I'm feeling a little brave tonight so forget the whole poem thing--the old stream-of-consciousness writing ensues.
I was thinking the other day why I started putting only poems or retarded "metaphorical" stories on here. I think I started on a path of a broader difference between the outside and within--to be even less serious and joke around more and yet write more introspective things on here. As if I was going to reveal some other hidden part of me, or even the real me or something, I do not even know what the real me is. Somehow I thought that I would get people's attention through what I wrote. Humph, silly idea that was. I guess in order to do that you have to write about relevant things or in a way that makes sense to people. So then I found myself in such a conflict, is it better to write in a way that is true to yourself and what you are trying to express? Or better to write less vaguely so people can more easily identify?
I just read a friend's blog and I feel so broken for him, what can I do? So much pain in the lives of people I know and regretting not saying the words to let them know of the vicarious hurt I feel for them, even if I never had the words. You, my friends that bear the scars of troubles, that come out stronger--are my heroes. You who mourn your losses and take on life with even more courage.
I did not set any New Year's resolutions this year. No, it was not that I resolved not to make resolutions or anything clever like that. I only hope that it was not a manifestation of my apathy. I had never been real big on it but I would try and change things I guess. Sheesh, talk of resolutions is so trite. Ok, moving on...
A struggle recently has been belonging. I always thought I would belong at home in that humid paradise of sweat and splendid food. Bangkok I will always love you. Thailand you are always my home. Then I met with my classmates and friends and I felt very out of place, which I was perplexed at initially because we had come from all over--none of us had seen each other in a while. But as I thought about it I realized that we were living such different lives, headed in different directions and that saddened me so. The decisions they make, the lifestyle that they live contrasted with mine. At times I felt as if maybe I was not really living life in this institution we call Simpson University, in an artificial atmosphere. Truly, being surrounded by Christians 24/7 is amazing in the fellowship I get, but it is so ersatz. I say this because when we are finished with our time here, we are in the real world again of nonbelievers. I'm not sure how to tie my several thoughts in here into one paragraph. Anyway, all this to say that I felt like it was difficult for me to identify with my friends and relate with their experiences because my life is so different. Not that I am jealous of their lives, I just felt empty. Especially because I felt like I would always have that closeness with them. Even more so because I felt between two worlds, not belonging to either. Because I am not a super-Christian, or as vibrantly expressive in my faith in this place of deep spirituality. Because I grew up overseas, I can get close to but not never quite relate with people here. [Do not get me wrong, people here are amazing, just the belonging is not quite there.] Home is where the heart is, but if the heart is reluctantly extirpated where is home? [I know I know, my family is still there. Duh, home is always with them but...you get what I mean.] 'Sigh, the human need to sense belonging.
I noticed that in the times I am feeling the most melancholy is sometimes when people laugh most at what I say. Kind of counter-intuitive I guess. But I guess humor makes it easier to hide.
Sometimes I wish I were like those people that write inspiring things or revelations from life that move people to live life differently or to think about stuff. Or to at least write about relevant things that matter, based on the constant outcry of pain and suffering in the world exacerbated by apathy and inaction.
Going back to living different lives than my friends...a difficult thought was, would I have lived any differently had I been in their situation? What foolish decisions would I have made, or even if I were put in them now would I fall?
Well that concludes for now. I thought I had much more to write when I started but this is what managed to leak out of my fumbled mind.
I was thinking the other day why I started putting only poems or retarded "metaphorical" stories on here. I think I started on a path of a broader difference between the outside and within--to be even less serious and joke around more and yet write more introspective things on here. As if I was going to reveal some other hidden part of me, or even the real me or something, I do not even know what the real me is. Somehow I thought that I would get people's attention through what I wrote. Humph, silly idea that was. I guess in order to do that you have to write about relevant things or in a way that makes sense to people. So then I found myself in such a conflict, is it better to write in a way that is true to yourself and what you are trying to express? Or better to write less vaguely so people can more easily identify?
I just read a friend's blog and I feel so broken for him, what can I do? So much pain in the lives of people I know and regretting not saying the words to let them know of the vicarious hurt I feel for them, even if I never had the words. You, my friends that bear the scars of troubles, that come out stronger--are my heroes. You who mourn your losses and take on life with even more courage.
I did not set any New Year's resolutions this year. No, it was not that I resolved not to make resolutions or anything clever like that. I only hope that it was not a manifestation of my apathy. I had never been real big on it but I would try and change things I guess. Sheesh, talk of resolutions is so trite. Ok, moving on...
A struggle recently has been belonging. I always thought I would belong at home in that humid paradise of sweat and splendid food. Bangkok I will always love you. Thailand you are always my home. Then I met with my classmates and friends and I felt very out of place, which I was perplexed at initially because we had come from all over--none of us had seen each other in a while. But as I thought about it I realized that we were living such different lives, headed in different directions and that saddened me so. The decisions they make, the lifestyle that they live contrasted with mine. At times I felt as if maybe I was not really living life in this institution we call Simpson University, in an artificial atmosphere. Truly, being surrounded by Christians 24/7 is amazing in the fellowship I get, but it is so ersatz. I say this because when we are finished with our time here, we are in the real world again of nonbelievers. I'm not sure how to tie my several thoughts in here into one paragraph. Anyway, all this to say that I felt like it was difficult for me to identify with my friends and relate with their experiences because my life is so different. Not that I am jealous of their lives, I just felt empty. Especially because I felt like I would always have that closeness with them. Even more so because I felt between two worlds, not belonging to either. Because I am not a super-Christian, or as vibrantly expressive in my faith in this place of deep spirituality. Because I grew up overseas, I can get close to but not never quite relate with people here. [Do not get me wrong, people here are amazing, just the belonging is not quite there.] Home is where the heart is, but if the heart is reluctantly extirpated where is home? [I know I know, my family is still there. Duh, home is always with them but...you get what I mean.] 'Sigh, the human need to sense belonging.
I noticed that in the times I am feeling the most melancholy is sometimes when people laugh most at what I say. Kind of counter-intuitive I guess. But I guess humor makes it easier to hide.
Sometimes I wish I were like those people that write inspiring things or revelations from life that move people to live life differently or to think about stuff. Or to at least write about relevant things that matter, based on the constant outcry of pain and suffering in the world exacerbated by apathy and inaction.
Going back to living different lives than my friends...a difficult thought was, would I have lived any differently had I been in their situation? What foolish decisions would I have made, or even if I were put in them now would I fall?
Well that concludes for now. I thought I had much more to write when I started but this is what managed to leak out of my fumbled mind.
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