transitions

Transitions oh transitions!

The other day my supervisor let me know that the director paid me a compliment. She has a habit of notifying me of the things he says because he would never actually say it to me. It is a very kind thing for her to do. He said that I had handled the transitions over the last few months very well and remarked on how smooth it was.

Today is a good day to reflect on that. Wednesday actually marked my last day of employment, where I had worked for a little over two years. While not very long, it felt long as there were so many changes as is the nature of this kind of work paired with a structure more akin to an organism, constantly shaping and shifting in response to what comes its way.

As I write, I am waiting for a call to let me know when I should do my exit interview today. I realize that this is actually pivotal to my transition into returning to the education world. I could choose to complain about things that bothered me and I held my tongue on. I could get all puffed up and spew it all out and leave in a mess. Then I think about how important is this? Is it worth it? What is most important? I think about relationships that I value and most of all I am continually drawn to loving people and doing that well. I think that the way I leave must demonstrate that. That doesn't mean not being honest or truthful, but doing so in a way that is constructive, positive, and praying for the best for them.

If I were to leave in a negative fashion, I think part of myself would remain behind. Therefore, hindering transition. While my experience has been mostly good and I have been treated well, nobody is perfect. Although I reflect on this, I certainly wasn't entertaining the idea of leaving in a raging tirade. Its more important that I think things through and realize that I have to live out my convictions especially in light of my last blog on love.

I think have to be honest with them and leave everything there. If I leave wishing I had said this or that, and hold on to "well I was wronged this way" and "that wasn't fair" and "really, they owe me big time" or any other kind of thing I am in the wrong by keeping a list of their faults (not loving them). I would hinder myself from growth by not moving on in my journey, by leaving a part of me there.

As I write this, I am reminded of something that I tell the teens all the time. It is not what about other people do, we cannot let that affect our actions and thoughts. In the end we are responsible for our own actions and responses. When we react, we think we are God because truly each person is accountable to Him and for us to think we should carry out justice is foolish.

I have learned a lot over the last two years and I owe that to the experiences provided me and the graciousness and flexibility of those older and wiser than me. I am thankful to the kids that let me be a part of their lives and inspired me with their stories, most of the time without knowing it. I am thankful for the endless opportunities to love and forgive. Sometimes I feel my love is very small and on low supply, but I don't ever recall Jesus saying that it would be easy to love. He said just do it because it is the most important thing. If life were perfect and everyone was good to each other, we might not realize our acts of love.

What do your transitions look like? How are you challenged to love people?

love

The other day I had some ample time to think while transporting one of my residents to a home visit. I had the drive back alone to consider my frustration at my situation and my supervisor. I began to outline what I might say to them, how I have felt treated unfairly or wronged and started to check off a mental list of all the times that had happened.

As my feelings welled up within me as I relived each moment, I tried to reason with myself and lose the frustration and be rational. As I believe to be good practice I did my best to see it from the other person's perspective and was able to do so, of course with some of my own quick rebuttals and comments in defense. At this point, I usually debate over what makes more sense, unfortunately, I am biased towards myself. Yes, how's that for an understatement?

This is where things took an interesting turn and I think the Spirit took over and redirected my thoughts. I began to think about Matthew 22:34-40, where Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is. First he says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" which references Deuteronomy. Then he says, And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself' which is from Leviticus.

I'm sure we've all heard sermons or reflections on this. But I find it so interesting, that Jesus doesn't stop with the greatest commandment, he says what is second and says that they are similar. You might naturally think that it would be #1 Love God, and #2 don't do bad things. No! He says to love others, he says to love our enemies.

I hear this all the time, put others before yourself. Or the cute little reminder:
Jesus
Others
Yourself

For the most part, we think of just putting up with those we don't like and being patient. Or being nice. Or serving the under privileged.

So I wondered, where is this going? I questioned then, what is love? This is where I was directly convicted. Naturally, I was directed to 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind, etc etc. You know it, you've heard it.

Love keeps no records of wrongs. Wow, Holy Spirit, could you be any more clear? Here I was, digging up every time I felt wronged because I had been treated rudely and yet I'm being told that if I am to love this person I can't keep a record of their wrongs against me. This blew me away! I think that in my experience in life, Christians will live by this with other Christians for the most part because we preach forgiveness.

But think about it, how many people do you know that has written somebody off because of reasons A-Z and will not associate with them any more. Or so and so aren't talking because he did this. How many divorces are born out of wrongs held against each other?

The beginning of 1 Corinthians 13 in verse 3 says, "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing." Dang. Here I am, I work to serve teens and I am mad at my boss. If I can't love my boss, then my work with these teens means nothing. Ouch.

Very sobering and convicting. And yet freeing. This same kind of love that I am told to extend towards others if offered to me. I am so endlessly thankful for this love that keeps no records of my wrongs.

What are your thoughts on love and loving your neighbor?

[To tie things together...I made peace with my boss. It was largely a misunderstanding and communication misfire.]

Dan in Real Life

When I saw the preview for “Dan in Real Life” it looked like a decent family movie, easy to watch as it seemed to exude warmth and laughs. I thought I might go watch it but it did not strike me as a movie I would go out of the way to see but I was curious about Steve Carell. I thought of him as a funny actor after seeing him in Anchorman as the hilariously stupid “Brick” and yet was surprised when I watched “Little Miss Sunshine.” He did very well at playing the depressed-and-suicidal-because-of-unrequited-love professor, he was human and sensitive.
Personally, I hate those kinds of movies where you spend the whole movie worrying, grimacing, and flinching for the protagonist because they do dumb stuff and of course everything possible goes wrong. Perfect example? –“Meet the Parents.” True it has its funny moments but for me it is not an enjoyable film. Yet, watching the main character in “Dan in Real Life” is bearable because he is so human and you can identify with his struggles and frustrations. He finds himself in incredibly awkward situations and everyone in his family seems to be frustrated with him, including his kids. Yet this takes place in a family reunion vacation so he cannot escape the glares, sighs, and comments.
He does it to himself. What do you do about love when your brother is dating the one you cannot quit thinking about? Yet it is this that helps him understand and identify with his daughter as they go through similar feelings that he may have forgotten. It is about love and family and how the first almost causes him to destroy his relationships with the latter. But it is the family that truly loves and picks you up and continues to support you even though you have neglected them. It is the beautiful irony that he is an advice columnist that seems to flow with wisdom about family life that sets the foundation for the frustrations and questions. Why is it that he can so easily say the right things to anyone outside his family, but when it comes to his daughters he is constantly messing up?
Steve Carell plays a believable, likeable, vulnerable character. At one point at the family’s talent show he is playing a song with his brother, Dane Cook who’s trying to impress his newfound love, and adds a verse at the end—his voice is trembling and weak and it wrenches your heart. I almost cried, but I fought it. Something about the real sadness at that moment, he seems to let on for the first time about the pain of losing his wife.
Dane Cook surprised me too. He plays the typical shallow brother that always has it going with the ladies but he is down to earth and likeable as well. What I could not figure out was him with Juliette Binoche, she seemed to look way older than him. Also, sometimes I felt like some of the scenes she was laughing at Steve Carell the actor and not the character if that makes any sense. My other objection is the way the movie ended as it seemed to avoid the conflict of the awkwardness of Steve Carell successfully stealing his brother’s girlfriend. It seems that through the movie Dane is trying hard and moving away from his playboy ways and then reluctantly settles for returning to his old ways. Steve approaches him to apologize and he says, “hold that thought” and goes for the convertible driving chica that had been Steve’s date previously. I know that they had to end the story somehow but somehow I think this could have been dealt with differently.
I recommend this fun, family oriented movie. It is clean without any profanities that I can remember and minor sexual references that are tame compared to most any movie out there.

July 7, 2006 - No Longer

No Longer
*Kind of an ironic time to post this, considering I'm far away. But it was time to post something (that I wrote awhile ago when it would have made more sense) since it has been awhile.* (Pardon the overusage of the phrase "no longer")

Wave to the tide
It no longer conceals your eyes--
they say more than I ever hoped for
a glance takes us to a place where dream and reality collide
no longer faceless silhouettes searching in the night

wave to the tide
I no longer wait for it to bring word from your shore
in bottled messages I no longer confide

wave to the tide
with it goes the doubts we couldn't hide

your eyes
your eyes
your eyes mend the most tattered soul