January 23, 2006

I meant to clarify this last time, but it slipped my mind. I just wanted to say that although sometimes what I write may seem to be hopeless, confused, discouraged or have tinges of nihilism, I say all of these things in the context of my faith. At my very core, I know what I believe and I try to do all things based on that foundation. Most of us have struggles in our lives and faith and we have to find our way to resolve them as we seek community with others to share and be broken with so that we can help each other up. Because I know this, I do not feel the need to drop in that line of hope at the end like we tend to do when talking with those that are hurting. It is more real and honest if we say how we really feel and what we really think, because deep down I know God is there in His strength and compassion. I believe that thinkingwriting without acknowledging the pain and simply hiding in hope can stunt your growth. God knows when we are struggling because the Spirit intercedes with groans for us, and for us to not acknowledge what we are going through is not being honest with Him. Choosing to not resolve something completely and just push everything aside is the superficial copout to pain.

I realize that I have made many assumptions and so at least one of them is clarified. I feel right now I should insert a personal creed or declaration of faith that people can refer to, hehe.

Thanks to all who posted things in response to my last blog, it really is nice to get your support and encouragement. Yes, we all have a VISA (for travel, not creditcard) for earth, but we don't know when it will expire because our citizenship is elsewhere. (talk about cheeziness...hey, I'm corny, can I help it?)

Thus I will conclude with something I wrote in high-school on my senior trip. I have been never been satisfied with it, always feeling incomplete and unsure how to finish it, but I feel like posting something uplifting for once.

I gaze upon the blood red sky
It's ethereal incandescent beauty sends a chill down my spine
The haunting liturgical chant of the crickets lingers in the background
As the leaves gently whisper secrets into the wind

Crippled by veneration for your majesty
Overwhelmed with awe I am left mute
Surounded by your careful design,
To everything else around I am blind.
Surrounded by your glory
Only you can I see