I looked back at some of my previous blogs over the past few years. So many of them meant so much to me and were deeply personal or a sincere expression of what was going on at the time, it is interesting to reconnect with them and remember some of the thoughts, visions, and feelings. At the same time it feels foreign, as if my mind or heart is in a different place because it doesn't come up with those poems or pictures or stories as it did before. I wonder, is it suppressed or is this just a different phase of life? Part of me longs to write like that again, to always have these ideas popping into my mind. Another wonders, am I simply a different person than I was then? Life is interesting, always changing, I think it is so important to document in some form because everything looks different in retrospect. I think it is good to see how we thought or felt in a certain situation and compare it with now, knowing bigger picture and having more context. Some things might upset us in the moment and now we see it wasn't that big of a deal, and we can learn from it.
I think too, that it stirs up our passions and desires that we put aside or stifle. When we can look back and see and feel something that we care deeply about. I consider my poems prayers and so it is cool to revisit them and pray them all over again.
Do you ever experience anything like this? Whether it is looking through an old journal, or photos, or an old Bible or sermon notes or yearbooks or art projects?
2 comments:
I like the way you look at this in a positive way...I've been keeping a Diary off and on since I was very young. When I go back and read old entries, even from just a year or two ago, I often feel so embarrassed of my own thoughts I want to rip out the pages! haha. I feel that way about some of my old poetry too... I almost think that's the test of something well written - am I still proud of it a few years later?
Hey Ry :)
First of all, you are a very good writer- I thoroughly enjoy reading what you have to say.. This made me think of something I found Junior year of college. I had already lived with my amazing roommates (all of whom you would really like- especially one in particular) for two years, and was going through my old e-mails. I found one that I had written to my Mom in the second or third week of Freshman year. I had been really upset about basically everything. I didn't like school, I didn't like the dorms I had been placed in, and I was completely sure that I could never be friends with any of the girls that I lived with. I even used the word "hate" a few times in the e-mail. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about this e-mail, and all of the feelings I had expressed in it! It was so strange for me to read as a 3-year-older self. I had come to love several of the girls I lived with, and had made so many amazing friends since that e-mail.. AND by then I LOVED school and my major.. It was literally like I was a different person reading a stranger's e-mail. :)
Post a Comment